You’ve heard of training bra’s and even training G-strings, but the latest must-have for the under 6s to hit the shops is the beginner mobile phone.
This latest accessory is aimed at a relatively new and expanding market, known as the tweens. Tweens are children aged between 5 to 12 years old. The ‘beginner’ or ‘baby’ phone known as the MO1 is developed by Imaginarium, a toy company, and Telefónica in Spain.
Promoters say it’s a wonderful tool trough which parents can socialise their children about the benefits and social role of mobile phones. Moreover they say it’s a terrific way for parents to keep a close eye on their kids.
But I detect a more sinister motive. By signing up children as young as six, mobile companies are looking to expand their stagnant markets with kiddie chat. It’s such a terrific wheeze, that’s so simple a child couldn’t have thought of it (they’re not so malevolent).
If you’ve got young kids, you’ll know what I mean. Ask them anything straight forward and it will take ages for them to get to the point. Failing if they do start giving you a concise reply they’ll suddenly get distracted by something and abandon the conversation. Well imagine all that going on while they’re on the phone to you. Company profits will go through the roof in no time.
Best thing is tweens care even less about bills than your average teenage consumer. Not because they’re indifferent, but, and this is the best bit, they’re not even cognitively developed to understand money. Pure genius.
Concepts like credit, bills, payments and even money are like their teeth, still growing. It’s brilliant; extort money from people before they know what the stuff is, that way firms will be able to keep future customers in the dark forever, on the premise they’re socialising us into using money. And it won’t end there.
Rumour has it the foetal phone is on the drawing board. This waterproof device will allow mums to keep an eye on their kids’ right from the moment of conception. Naturally conversation will mainly be one way, but at least they’ll have time to work up those monthly charges in time for their birth as a consumer.
